so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
