you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
