Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
