Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
