im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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