Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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