do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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