He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
