U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
