Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize