YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
