New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
