You really coming over, don't trick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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