I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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