He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
