We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
