That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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