Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
