would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
