Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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