How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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