I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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