Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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