First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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