dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
