Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
