Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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