Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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