I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
