wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
