Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
