she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
