Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
