got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
