I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
