I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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