Sponge bath it is.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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