Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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