just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
