May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
