Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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