it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
