She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
