lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
