Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
