Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
