I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
