I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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