i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
