I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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