3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
