He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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