I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
