is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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