I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
