Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
