allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
