Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
