I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
