i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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