He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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