she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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